If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
