one might say we're banned from that church
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
