she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
