I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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