Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
