In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
