Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
