Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
