atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
