this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
