Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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