oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
