I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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