yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
