i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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