I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You ever have a fart follow you around?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
