i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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