She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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