Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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