I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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