I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
