you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
