What did we do last night that was yellow?
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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