I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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