it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
