dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
