Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
