I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
