Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Boobs speak an international language.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
