I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
