at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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