What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
