Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
