just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
