Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
