yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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