I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
