just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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