You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
