There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
