I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
