ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
