What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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