yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
FUCK WHALES
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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