just tell him i said nine months
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
