The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
