So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
