FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
