i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
