Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
