I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
