I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
