I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
