OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
